Saturday, April 26, 2008

What would you like on your tombstone?

Normally on weekends I wake up earlier than when I do Monday through Friday. But this weekend, rather than toss in bed at 6 a.m., I decided to go golfing with a buddy of mine from Stats. I still woke up before I intended to, but this time I had something to look forward to doing before lunchtime on a Saturday.

It should be mentioned that my prior golf experience includes Par King (which was most recently owned by savage raccoons), miniature golf at the run-down shanty next to a Brunswick Zone in the Western 'burbs, one golf lesson last summer and a handful of trips to the driving range.

Having forgotten almost all of what the golf instructor taught me last year, I was eager to get on the links and shoot my first round of nine. Baby steps. Dressed for a potential non-elimination round of Amazing Race where I would only be able to continue with the clothes on my back, I layered up for the "spring-like" weather of 20 mph winds and sub-stellar conditions.

After a preliminary stretch, we teed it up. My buddy went first and hit a solid shot into the wind. Reaching for my trusty 7 iron, I grabbed the club from the bag teed up the ball on a tee I got from my grandpa when I was a little kid.

THWACK! Solid, passable contact.

And so began my first round of chasing a little white ball around a vast field.

I'll fast forward this story to the interesting part (unless you'd like to read a shot-by-shot replay). Didn't think so. So I says to the Lama... So on hole 6 my buddy asks me what time it was to gauge if we could squeeze another nine in the day. I rummage through the golf bag, but alas, no phone. My mobile has gone AWOL. Checking and rechecking the bag, each zip becoming louder and each unzip less promising. It was like Deal Or No Deal sans any monetary value in the cases.

No hope. It had vanished. So, we decided to play on and finish the round and see if someone brought it in to the clubhouse (unlikely since no one passed us) or zip around in a golf course in hopes of finding my black, camouflagey phone.

Advice: Don't ever put your phone on vibrate unless you're in a meeting or your phone remains in eye sight. You'll never know when you'll need to find it.

The geriatric gents in the clubhouse let us borrow a cart and off we went. My friend called my phone in hopes that we'd somehow hear it (latent superpower) or someone would have found it and answered it. After searching 3 holes and calling 5 times. Success! Someone answered and asked what we'd like on our pizza.

While I figured I'd lose a few balls in the rough or drink, I never anticipated I'd lose my phone. I shot a respectable 66 on a par 36.

Lesson: Despite popular belief, golf is always exciting, especially if you play with me.

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