Since my last writing there have been a few new dates. I had a revelation a few weeks ago to stop dating hoping to meet someone nice. Instead, my motivation in dating was to generate fresh fodder for this blog and the stand-up routine I keep telling myself that I'll do, someday. Soon. Just not tomorrow, I have a date then.
This new strategy, coupled with the "play the field" approach, have been supplying me with a steady stream of nut jobs. Unfortunately, when meeting people online, pursuing multiple people simultaneously is necessary. Plus when you go on as many one-and-done dates as I do, you need to have a few ladies lined up for the following week. I'd prefer it not to be this way, but such is my plight.
A few weeks ago, I agreed to meet a woman in the city for a drink. I live and work in the suburbs, which translates to a drive of at least 30 minutes depending on the variable traffic patterns, which also don't follow any form of reason. Going home after work to get cleaned-up, I then headed off to the city to see if this time things would be better. As a fan of baseball and childhood collector of baseball cards, I appreciate one of the beauties of online dating. People's profiles are like trading cards. They have all their stats, height, eye color, birth order, turn-ons/offs. For some reason they always leave off weight and whether or not they are worth your time...
This girl, who I referred to as "Giant" around the office, was 6'2" sans shoes. I'm 6'1" with shoes and if I pick my white man fro out. The appeal was largely to see what it would be like to be lil spoon. I should mention that the week before I met a girl for lunch who was 4'11". As I continue to date on the fringes of the genetic pool, I wonder when I'll ever get to go out with a member of Barnum & Bailey's Circus. While attractive, Giant wasn't what some would call talkative, affable or polite. During the hour-long date, she took two calls from her roommate whose grandmother died the previous night. Had she not taken these calls I wouldn't have known she had the ability to speak. I was thinking I would get some sort of bonus points for dating a mute giant. Subsequently, after Giant finished her beer and second phone call she informed me that her roomie needed her. She galloped the entire ONE BLOCK back to her apartment and avoided any pleasantries. Nice try on the excuse, but she lost points on creativity. If you're going to bail on a date, at the very least be creative. Say you have a turkey in the oven or that you simply can't miss this week's episode of Gossip Girl.
Jump ahead to this week, when I lined up a dinner date with a girl in the 'burbs. After speaking a few times on the phone and casual texting, it was time for the face-to-face. In our chats, she expressed difficulty navigating around town. After arriving at the restaurant, I received a call that la fille was lost. Thankfully she found her way. When I met her, I presented her with a small compass. She laughed and tucked it in her purse. We ate and closed down the restaurant. After walking around the downtown area of the suburb, I walked her to her car and went on my way. She didn't take any calls, so I thought it went well comparatively.
Shortly after arriving home, I received a text thanking me for dinner and saying that she had a good time. Since I'm rational, I perceived this as a sign of interest. I texted back in the morning saying that I wasn't sure when I'd be free this weekend, but that I'd like to see her again.
While helping my sister pack up her kitchen after work and my last swim class, I received another text. This time, it informed me that while she had a good time she didn't feel a spark. And isn't that what meeting in person is all about?
When meeting people online, men don't meet to see if there's a spark. Men meet women to see if they look anything like their profile picture.
Shortly thereafter, I got another text that she hoped I wasn't offended and that I'm a really nice guy.
This may come across as bitter or not what a nice guy would say, but what she failed to realize is that I was making concessions and thought I'd give her another shot. Typically, I like my ladies to have finished college, have some sort of ambition, and not make grammatical errors or grave misspellings.
So, as another person promptly exits Andrew's Dating Emporium, two more take her place.
The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.
- Foster's Law
