Friday, September 16, 2011

Pen and pencil myths

First Pluto. Now this? Everything I knew to be true is crumbling.

Pen and pencil myths:

There’s a popular myth that NASA spent “millions” of dollars developing a pen for astronauts to use in the weightless environment of a space ship — while their sensible Russian counterparts were happy to use the low-tech pencil. Alas, for all its appeal and plausibility, this is not true. Initially, astronauts and cosmonauts were both equipped with pencils, but there were problems: if a piece of lead broke off, for example, it could float into someone’s eye or nose. A pen was needed, one that would defy gravity, write in extreme heat or cold, and be leak proof: blobs of ink floating around the cabin would be more perilous than a stray pencil lead. A long-time pen maker named Paul C. Fisher patented the “space pen” in 1965 (which he had developed at the cost of a million dollars, at the request of but not under the auspices of NASA.) NASA bought four hundred of them at $6 each, and, after a couple of years of testing, the pens were put into space.

That is from Kitty Burns Florey, Script & Scribble: The Rise and Fall of Handwriting.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Grass is Always Greener (and Thicker)

Feeling good about yourself? Well, never read your alumni magazine. No matter how good things are going for you, someone else's life is far better. 

Hella proud that you buttoned your shirt correctly the first time? Yeah. Well someone else that sat in the same lecture hall as you did, just found a cure for cancer. 

Monday, September 5, 2011

Some Like It Crusty

There's something about a crispy, toasted sandwich with gooey melted cheese that simply makes it better. With a cheap panini press (you can pick one up for $20), you can turn your boring sandwiches into restaurant rivals. The sandwich above was oatnut bread with a drizzle of olive oil on top, mozzarella cheese, salami, hot capicola and slices of green pepper. Try it out next time and let me know the results.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

151 Prophet

He managed to simultaneously talk to everyone and no one at all. Sporting a black Kangol cap and dress clothes, the Prophet sat in the back of the 151 loudly proclaiming his views.

"Men marrying men," he started, "that just ain't right."

"Women marrying women..." he trailed off.

"How does that even work?"

No one on the bus, including the coterie of nurses fresh off their shift from NWM, attempted an explanation.

As he stood waiting for the 151 to squeal to a halt and the rear doors to whip open, he gave his final blessing.

"Sooner or later we all gonna leave this earth."

And sooner rather than later, he departed the 151.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Case of the Missing Case (Or The One That Got Away)

I like to think that I take a little something away from every hoodrat I date. But this one took something from me. It's one of those lessons you continually try to learn in life and swear that there won't be a next time.

She was a nice girl in the beginning. They all are. It's only a matter of time before you find out their real self. Our courtshit started off so innocently before ultimately ending with a more aggressive than passive series of text messages.

Our story starts like all good stories, we had met on the interwebs. We saw a movie for our "do you match your profile picture" first outing. It probably wasn't the best sign that I was thinking about the girl I was meeting the next night while I was at the cinema. Thankfully for me, telepathy isn't as widespread as iPhone 5 rumors. After a dance lesson in the park--not a euphemism--we parted ways.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Trails and Trees

Trails and Trees:
Trails and Trees || Canon5D2/EF24-105f4L@24 | 90m | f8 | ISO400

Star trails seen from near Miskwabi Lake in Haliburton. 90 minutes exposure made from combining 18 five minute exposures taken from 12:20am to 1:45am.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Monday, July 25, 2011

That Last Thing

"And I said, 'That last thing is what you can't get, Carlo. Nobody can get to that last thing. We keep on living in hopes of catching it once and for all.
— Jack Kerouac (On the Road)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Cine quote

 I'd literally be more comfortable in the back of a Hot Wheels right now.
-Love and Other Drugs

Friday, July 15, 2011


There are a few things I'm good at in life: cooking and rallying people.

Today marked the culmination of two of those life skills. The slideshow below documents the first potluck at my office. I took on the protein (chipotle-marinated chicken) and my co-workers brought the fixins.

Naturally, the fiesta led to a siesta.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Sorry for Apologizing

I was reading the May 30th issue of The New Yorker after dinner--stop judging me--and managed to read "Futurism" in its entirety. For those that know me and my proclivity toward literary-induced narcolepsy acknowledge this inspirational achievement.

The article is here.

If I read these issues faster you could read more than the abstract. Or you should subscribe.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Things I Remember Good

When it comes to personal factoids connected to people I meet, I am unbeatable. I will store most information you tell me--anecdotes, childhood memories, favorite things. If only I could use this skill professionally...

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Advance Review: Friends With Benefits

As sung in Rookie of the Year, love is lovelier the second time around. Or in my case, free movie screenings are better the second time around. Last week I attempted to see Friends With Benefits but didn't get to the theater in time to beat out the other frugal JT fans to secure a seat.

Arriving at the theater a mere two hours ahead of the scheduled showtime I was confident I would get to see the flick this time.

For those that have seen No Strings Attached, this movie will seem awfully familiar--a salacious premise where two young and attractive people meet and decide to forgo the legwork of a relationship and just be sex buddies. You may ask yourself "Where's Natalie Portman?" Having seen both, this former film student would deem Benefits the superior flick. They share a lot of plot points, but Benefits is more upbeat summer fluff. Plus, it just so happens to be in theaters later this month.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Daily Present

This was taken at the Buddhist temple in Chinatown.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

The Bright Lights of Imagined Fame

Hello old friends and spam bots overseas. I apologize for not writing more recently.

Here are my excuses:

  1. Twitter takes more time than I thought.
  2. I've replaced writing with going to the gym.
  3. Due to massive muscle gain and my downsizing to children's clothing, I've lost circulation to my extremities thusly preventing my posting of new quips on here.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

On Awkward Moments

I've found that the common element is me. Herpes jokes apparently aren't funny on a first date.

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Monday, March 14, 2011

The Twitter-verse

It's official. While you didn't read it here first--sorry blog followers--my life has become of such great consequence that it necessitated the creation of an account on Twitter. No longer do you need to wonder "what is that witty, infrequent writer up to?" Just head over to the Twitters to see my latest musings.

As expected, my tweety tweets are largely of little importance, unless you want to know my food cravings, which rival those of an expectant mother. This morning merited an ode to my recently purchased box of Triscuits. Of course they were the Sun-Dried Tomato. There have been occasional thoughts that I hope to use when I finally get up on stage to do stand-up:

  • I am a pro self-check-er-outer at . I am also a pro check-her-outer at bars. Thank you. I'm here all week. 
  • Twitter Popularity Index: If your Followers > those you are following, you deserve your own TV show. 

Ultimately, I created the account because my horoscope said my day would be a nine. It lied. At best it was a 6.4, but I figured if I'm going to have a nine-caliber day I am obligated to share that with the world. To be clear, when I say "world" I mean my 21 followers, most of whom I suspect to be robots seeking more input.

I had considered having an anonymous account setup that couldn't be traced. I could tweet about my dates, my deepest thoughts about Jersey Shore (corrupting the youth of tomorrow) and how much weight I really lift at the gym. But I'm holding onto the infinitesimal chance that I'll be discovered, and let's be honest, who's going to put in the leg work to track the real me down?