Thursday, September 3, 2009

Shared: School is not Always for Fools

A good read.

Parent Teacher Conference Should Be Hilarious: "

Oh, Ginny. Your dedication to not being the “Problem Mother” far surpasses my own and for that, I salute you.

Dear Mrs. X:

In just over a week, you will be my son’s Grade 1 teacher. He is ever so excited to be under your tutelage. Why, since the last day of kindergarten, entering your class was all he could talk about. He gleefully thrust a piece of paper into my hand on that June afternoon, and said, “Here’s a list of the stuff I need for school next September!”

And I have to admit, I, too, was excited. I’m a school supplies geek from way back. And so, in early August, I set out to buy the items you’d listed.

It was on my fourth store that the realization began to sink in.

You’re a crafty bitch, aren’t you?

This list was a thinly disguised test. Could I find the items, exactly as you’d prescribed? Because if not, my son would be That Kid, the one with the Problem Mother, Who Can’t Follow Directions.

For example, the glue sticks you requested. In the 40 gram size. Three of the little buggers. (What kind of massive, sticky project you’ve got planned for the first day of school that would require the students to bring all this glue, I cannot imagine.) But the 40 gram size doesn’t come in a convenient 3-pack. The /30 /gram size does. But clearly, those would be wildly inappropriate. So I got the individually priced 40’s, as per your instructions.

Another bit of fun was your request for 2 packs of 8 Crayola crayons (basic colors). The 24 packs, with their 24 /different /colors, sat there, on sale. I could have purchased /three/ of the 24 packs for the price I had to pay for the 8 packs. (Clearly, you’ll not be teaching the youngsters any sort of economics lessons this year.) Even the cashier looked at me, as if to say, “Pardon me, ma’am, but are you slow?” as I purchased these non-bargain crayons. But that’s what the list said. And I was committed to following the list.

But the last item, well, now, you saved your malice up for that one, didn’t you? “8 mm ruled notebooks”, you asked for. Simple enough. Except the standard size is /seven /millimetres. One. Millimetre. Difference. Do you realize, Mrs. X., exactly how infinitesimal the difference between 7 mm ruling and 8 mm ruling is? Pretty small, I assure you. The thickness of a fingernail, approximately. But that millimetre, that small bit of nothingness, made me drive to four different stores, over the course of three sweaty August hours. And when I finally, finally found the last remaining 8 mm notebooks, I took no pleasure in my victory. I merely shifted my focus. To you, Mrs. X.

You wanna dance, lady? Let’s dance.

Because I am just batshit crazy enough to play your games. And, in turn, come up with some of my own.

On show and share day, my son will be bringing the video of his birth. It will be labelled, “Ben’s First Puppy.” Enjoy.

He will be given a list of words, and daily, he will ask you what they mean. Words such as, “pedophile”, “anti-semite”, and “skank”. Good luck with those.

At some point, you will attempt to teach him mathematics. And I’m quite sure that, like most of your ilk, you will require my son to “show his work”. And he will.

Through interpretive dance.

Because that is who you’ve chosen to tangle with, toots. A stay at home mom who is not entirely balanced, and has altogether too much time on her hands. But is, most certainly, A Mother Who Can Follow Directions.



Submitted By: Mr. T via Praying To Darwin


Shared: 'Smallville' heroine Kristin Kreuk joins 'Chuck' | Ausiello |

How far the show has come from being on the precipice of cancellation. Sure glad Subway rescued them.

Exclusive: 'Smallville' heroine Kristin Kreuk joins 'Chuck' | Ausiello |

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Shared: Where did all those gorgeous Russian tennis players come from? - By Anne Applebaum - Slate Magazine

Maybe some of them would like to adopt/nurture one occasional blogger. Since they have all their money AND looks...

Here's to a leveled playing field of models everywhere. YEAH evolution!

Where did all those gorgeous Russian tennis players come from? - By Anne Applebaum - Slate Magazine: "There was a particular historical moment, round about 1995 or so, when anyone entering a well-appointed drawing room, dining room, or restaurant in London was sure to encounter a beautiful Russian woman. Though the word beautiful doesn't really capture the phenomenon. The women I'm remembering were extraordinarily, unbelievably, stunningly gorgeous."

Shared: Division in Palin Home

Yikes. This from a guy who knows how to keep his word, especially about matrimonial things.

Levi Johnston: Lot of divorce talk in Palin home: "In Vanity Fair, the father of Sarah Palin’s grandson said there was “a lot of talk of divorce in that house” but “there wasn’t much parenting.” He also said that Palin complained that being governor was “too hard” and that she focused on making money instead."

Shared: Dead Dog

I still don't get it. Why the need for dog years? Are there cat years? Turtle years? Owners don't celebrate each dog year birthday, up to 15 in the first year, which would be like that couple that celebrates weekly anniversaries. Sounds like dogs are getting greedy.

How we know that Chanel, the world's oldest dog, was really 147 dog-years old.: "The world's oldest dog, a dachshund named Chanel, died of natural causes Friday at the reported age of 147 dog years. On the occasion of her 21st birthday (in human years), Christopher Beam wrote the following 'Explainer' column on the proper way to calculate a dog's age.

more ...

Monday, August 31, 2009

Shared: life-size LEGO house

I would hate to see the plan for this house. Also, where are the little Lego people that will inhabit it?

life-size LEGO house

The LEGO house is the latest toy challenge that james may has undertook as part of his BBC series James May's toy stories. other projects included the world's first plasticine garden, which won the people's choice award at the chelsea flower show, and the world's largest model plane. the show also created a scalextric version of the brooklands 2.75-mile racetrack in weybridge.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Faster and Furiouser

With urchins going back to school, police have started adamantly enforcing School Zones and ticketing those speeding. You may also spot an influx of minivans clogging up the streets as you try to get to work.

The area in which I reside has to hold the distinction of most schools per square mile. Families are often concerned with how good the schools are in an area and what the student to teacher ratio is. In this town realtors promote the schools to kid ratio. There are at least five schools within a mile radius of my home, making it one giant 20 miles per hour speed trap.

In an effort to alert drivers to the School Zone and reduced speed limit (turtle-esque), the town has placed what I affectionately call Speed boards on the thoroughfares.

These electronic signs have the wrong affect on me. I view them as a challenge, like a radar gun in baseball. The digital red dots alert me to my speed. Unavoidably, my right foot feels heavier. I can't control it. My car starts moving ever faster, the numbers on the sign continue to increase. My eyes are then fixated on the sign and not on the sidewalks to see if there are any children about to dart in front of my rapidly moving vehicle. Then I pass the sign and my foot's weight returns to normal. Out of my control I find myself pulling a U-Turn. I need to see if I can best my previous speed.

The sign serves as a calibration device to see if my speedometer is working properly. Until you are pulled over, you have no way of knowing if you were really going 85 mph. In my previous car, I really had no clue. The speedometer might have been the last functioning instrument on The Beast.

Pleasant driving.