Status Updates From My Almost Proposal

Simply watching Giada's show on a daily basis isn't enough. I needed to profess my love the only way I know how--inappropriately at a book signing. So, I took a half day and zipped to the mall on my lunch to purchase her new cookbook and await my destiny. This was my first book signing for someone I have a borderline infatuation with. For some, they get tongue tied around athletes or actors. For me, it's people from the Food Network.

I patiently waited in line with the aging population of America and listened to them drone on about their grandchildren. If they weren't married and older than 60, they were in their 50s and with their daughters, who felt it necessary to discuss their boyfriends and how much they love Giada. I'm not saying I was there to pick-up women. My main goal was to make my case for why Giada should leave her successful husband and elope with me for a life of mediocrity. Call me a home wrecker. I'm OK with that. Nevertheless, I figured I'd warm-up on the 450 ladies of the line.

From Giada and other things of beauty

Tue at 11:55am
Now would be the appropriate time to hide me if you are not a fan of Giada. Off to hopefully get her book and get it signed. She better write "with love."

Tue at 1:31pm
upwards of 25 people await the arrival of giada at oak brooks crate and barrel. more inside. oh the fervor!

Tue at 2:12pm
notes from the line: learning about how u carry a baby is a foreshadower of the baby's sex. im losing masculinity by the minute.

Tue at 2:51pm
almost go time. which likely means waiting in a line but indoors. WHAT TO SAY?!

Tue at 3:20pm
in the store! buying a second pair of pants was a smart move.

Tue at 3:50pm
OMFG. there comes a point un every mans life that can be looked at in the future as a defining moment. today was probably not that day. upside, didnt get arrested. now i enter the post giada phase of my life.