A Little Off the Top

It isn't easy to bounce back from a rather overt insult from Juan, the stylist at Great Clips. Granted my hair grows back slightly faster than Chicagoans jumped on the Blackhawks bandwagon, getting a hair cut is always an exercise in trust. "Hey stranger, here's $15. Go nuts with scissors in close proximity to my face."

Typically the stylist person will compliment me on how nice my hair is and that I'll never go bald. I have what some might call a "jew fro," thanks in large part to Italian and Russian jew-itage. After growing my dome out during the winter, it was time to snip those locks off and send them to the cleanup effort in the Gulf.

After Juan finished up, he asked "would you like me to trim your brows?"

I paused. This wasn't something I was accustomed to being asked.

"No, it's OK," I replied as I started envisioning all the potential disastrous outcomes. His hand could slip and I'd end up with one eyebrow and if I've learned anything from TLC and Oprah, beauty is all about symmetry. So, I'd have to sacrifice the perfectly good, bushy brow for the sake of beauty. Then each day I'd have to get up early to draw on my eyebrows. I never was good at art, whether it was crayons, colored pencils or a paintbrush. Then there would be the decision of what type of brows I wanted for the upcoming day. I could craft angry brows, confused brows, pensive. Infinite possibilities.

"But they are so bushy," he interrupted my mental freak out.

I remained silent wondering if I could purchase eyebrow stencils.

"Well, if you think you look good," he said before he took the superhero cape off, flinging my dead hair to the floor.

Well, I did think I looked good before I met you. I put on my hat and headed back into the rain toward my car where, once inside, I would put down the visor and stare at my eyebrows. 

"Bushy?" I thought to myself as my face morphed in the small mirror into that of Groucho Marx.

Shut Up or I'll Jump

A few notes on this gem:
-I considered throwing myself from a moving car a month ago and were it not for those pesky child safety locks, I would have succeeded.
-How upset do you think he was when he discovered he was at the hospital? Even worse if she was standing over him.
-Twenty-three and three kids? No mention if they were his.
-I think this tactic is known as "avoidance" in conflict resolution parlance.

Husband reportedly jumps from car | The Leaf Chronicle:
A man was flown to Vanderbilt University Medical Center on Thursday evening after he jumped from a moving vehicle.

According to a Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office report, the 23-year-old man, his wife and three children were headed toward Clarksville on Guthrie Highway when the two adults began arguing.

At one point during the argument, Deputy Blake Neblett reported the man told his wife to “shut up.” When she refused, the man jumped from the moving vehicle.

A witness traveling behind the vehicle told Neblett it appeared the man jumped from the vehicle.

The man was in the trauma unit at VUMC on Friday, and in critical but stable condition, according to the hospital.

Infomercial Montage

I love a good infomercial.

This montage of people doing things the wrong way on infomercials would be the supercut of your nightmares if you could nightmare right, you incompetent boob.

Update: OK, duh, Everything Is Terrible did this first and without any canned music:

I feel like such an ass for missing this, especially after going on about how much I love EIT. I guess the lesson here is WE'RE ALL DOING IT WRONG. (Thanks, tone_def.)

L'autobus Vignettes

As I embarked on a post-work walk after a stressful day at the office my mind wandered as it tends to wander. Today it focused on buses and the things that change when you become an adult.

During the better half of junior high, I used to strategically select a seat on the bus. Conveniently for me, my bus crush's stop was a few after mine and the bus was reasonably full by the time she would board. I'd scan for that prime open seat. On those lucky days, I'd snag it then wait in hopes that we'd sit together for those few fleeting, bumpy minutes. Some days I'd sit on the aisle hopping she'd ask me if I minded if she sat next to me. Others, I'd sit by the window, so the open seat was clearly visible. Maybe we'd compare homework or discuss whether we wanted to wed on the beach or in the mountains. Sadly, she opted to sit with other friends and started dating a guy on another bus route. We never had the opportunity to firm up our matrimony plans.

Garbage

In a daily update I send for my job I include famous birthdays and random facts. Today, I included a note that this date in 1970 was the first Earth Day. A woman in the office emailed me to share that she remembered being in elementary school and celebrating Earth Day by picking up garbage with her class. Things certainly change as you get older. If you pick up garbage as an adult, it is either court ordered or you're one of those people.