Just One More Hint

By some miracle--oddly enough we met at a church function--I managed to have a date agree to see me again after the initial date. Even more odd was the fact that she returned my phone call after date two. Never one to prematurely get excited, I started calling churches and banquet halls to book a date for the impending nuptials. I figured I could surprise her on date five. No one expects that.

My soon-to-be wife was occupied the weekend after our second date, but we made plans to do something when she returned. I seized this opportunity to sample cakes and catering offerings. We made plans over texts and set a time and place for the pick-up. Little did she know I also picked a time, place, caterer and cake. If I've learned anything from TLC's Cake Boss, it's always go with fondant.

Wearing my going out clothes (I have been asked at least three times in the past month when meeting someone after work, "You wore that to work?), I cruised toward the city after work to a foreign land: Third Datesville.

I stopped at a florist on my way in, only to discover that it was closed. The adjacent building was a funeral shop. I thought better of checking out their options. Had I known what would happen in a mere 24 hours, it might have been the proper shop. I arrived at my date's maison, parked and started a Quixotic quest on foot for flowers. Finding few offerings, I stopped into an Italian bakery and picked-up a few cookies. Pulling a page out of every travel show, I asked the cute cashier if she knew of anyplace to get flowers. She suggested a place down the street. With cookies in hand I was again greeted by a closed sign in the florist window.

I returned to her street and informed her that I had arrived. She invited me into her apartment and we discussed dinner options and movie times. Off we went. Dinner went well. A quick check of the time on my mobile prompted a rapid flagging of our waitress for the check. I gave her my card and mentioned we were trying to catch a show across the street. My date left the tip and we darted across the street hand-in-hand in the light rain to the cinema.

We missed the trailers and very beginning of The Hangover but settled into our seats and the newly-dating-couple-cuddle. Nothing is as comfortable as a cupholder in the ribcage. But it was well worth it. During the movie my date popped a piece of gum in her mouth and gave me a piece. I know what this meant. I either had dank breath or someone might like to do something later.

After some laughs and the credits, we leisurely walked back to my car and exited the garage with the other movie goers.

I parked on the street and walked her back to her place. We stood outside for a little while and talked. This, for those keeping score at home, was the proper time. All the signs of interest were there. Plus, I liked her and have seen Hitch. I knew what the key fumbling was a good thing. But did I do what I should have and wanted to? Of course not. I'm not sure if it's shyness, timidity or stupidity. All I know is it needs to stop. Settling on a hug, we embraced and then parted.

I texted her in the morning. My phone rang late that night. Seeing her name, my heart beat a little faster. Finally, I thought, I've found a sweet girl to date. After discussing our days there was a pause. Then this:

"I want to be honest," she said before pausing.

I thought proposing over the phone was a bit forward, but she must have found out about my event planning.

She continued, "I don't think we should continue dating."

Not where I thought she was going with that stellar lead-in statement. More surprising than Jackson's death being ruled a homicide, I shared my confusion. Every indication was that things were going well. Which leads me to my coping mechanism:

4 Reasons for No Date 4:

1. The cookies weren't that good.
2. I didn't bring flowers.
3. I failed to seize the opportunity to kiss her.
4. She's seeing someone else.

She did attempt to cushion the blow by telling me that I'm very nice, funny. Then she paused and opted to add "tall" as one of my selling points. I told her to go on after she struggled to come up with three things. I then told her to tell her friends how nice, funny and tall I am. She said she had. From now on I'm instituting a referral policy. If you opt to discontinue going out with me, you are obligated to set me up with a friend. And not one you want to rid yourself of.

As the conversation wound down and no explanations volunteered, I asked, "So...we won't be going out this weekend?"

More than the rejection, I'm upset about the deposits. That shit is non-refundable.