Friday, October 12, 2007

New Ad Campaign

In case you didn't hear it, a 6-year-old had such a strong hankering for Applebees that he "borrowed" and crashed his grandmother's car en route to the restaurant.

Watch this for the gripping video:
http://www.wbaltv.com/video/14305224/index.html

If I had the video resources I'd make Applebee's a new ad campaign featuring the young patron. After showing a little kid herding his diaper-wearing buddies into his gram's sedan they head out to Applebee's. On the trip he crashes the car a few times and we see the scraped up car in the lot and the kids teetering toward the doors.


Narrator voice over: "Yeah, we're that good."

Freegan Eh

From the Oct. 1 Newsweek:
Before June of this year, I thought only the sad and desperate ate garbage. Then I discovered the freegans. For those new to the term (free + vegan), a freegan is a person who has decided to boycott capitalist society by severely curtailing consumption of resources through reusing, recycling and Dumpster diving. Taking the expression "Waste not, want not" to its extreme conclusion, freegans try not to purchase anything up to and including food. Instead, they rely on bartering and what the rest of us leave for the garbageman.
Just a quick note here: the correct term is "homeless."

I shouldn't joke. I'm on the fast-track to being a freegan Dumpster diver.

Monday, October 1, 2007

This is a test

Not much new news to report on the job front. I'd say the enemy is weakening, but their resolve is strong in ignoring my resume submissions and follow-up emails. I'll have to employ some new techniques. I've checked out The Art of War to mine it for new tactics. I mistakenly took French not Chinese in high school and college so I am dependent on the Wikipedia translation for guidance.

故曰:知彼知己,百戰不殆;不知彼而知己,一勝一負;不知彼,不知己,每戰必敗
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will win a hundred times in a hundred battles. If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you win one and lose the next. If you do not know yourself or your enemy, you will always lose.

That's what I like to call concise writing. Based on my success rate in the job hunt I don't know myself or my enemy. Subsequently, I've purchased a mirror and How to find yourself. Who knew finding a job would be so expensive?

A growing trend that I have discovered (Vasco Da Gama has nothing on me) is the proliferation of pre-interview screening. Some employ phone interviews. Others have doled out tests. In the past two weeks I've taken two tests. One was a writing exercise for a part-time job in Evanston to summarize stories off of newswires. The other exam was for a photo production assistant, which required a high school diploma. That test was a little more enjoyable than the writing test. I had to say what was wrong with pictures or say what I would change. They also worked in a riddle section. I swear I didn't take as many tests when I was in college.

Here is my gripe with the testing: the companies don't respond after you submit their test. I'm starting to wonder if it's some sick social experiment or research project for a dissertation. Whatever it is, it is cruel and unusual.

This job hunt has become a childhood game of hide-and-seek. But the other people playing aren't well versed on the rules of the game. They are playing like the kids who returned to their house down the block while you clamped your eyes shut and counted, then search the closets and crevices of your house. Frankly, I don't care for it. It's bad form.

I'm growing tired of looking for a job. No one tells you how frustrating it is. Ninety-five percent of the people you contact won't respond. After enough rejection and being ignored you start to take it personally. My latest desire is to fuel up my beast of a vehicle and drive away. There are a few problems with this revolutionary idea.
  1. My iPod battery only lasts an hour.
  2. I tire quickly from driving.
  3. Unless I get a different class of drivers license, driving isn't going to land me a job.
  4. Even with no intended destination I would get lost.
Still, the thought of running away has its appeals. I've always had that wanderlust. Whenever I drive by the airport and see a plane taking off I wish I were on it. I watch travel shows and wish I were there even when there is the south. But whenever I do travel it takes about a day before I miss the comforts of home.

One final thought. A few alumni have suggested I read What Color is your Parachute? As someone who is on the edge of being sent to a room where the walls are softer than the bed, who cares what color it is, does it work?

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Listening to: Antonio Carlos Jobim - Children's Games
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Comment?

President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad , spoke at Columbia University and the U.N. a few days ago. Last night he spoke with Charlie Rose.

Tonight the president of Bolivia was discussing the reforms he has led in his country.

This appeared September 19 in the LA Times about dying languages.

Over the past few days I'm hearing more and more about languages. Something I've never been taught with relation to journalism is how to handle a translator. I think I would be inclined to speak to the translator and not the interviewee. During Charlie Rose's conversation, he was persistent in trying to get the president to answer the question he asked, not the question Ahmadinejad wanted to answer. The beauty of a translated interview is one of the parties could feign misunderstanding. Perhaps something got lost in translation.

The L.A. Times piece is pretty interesting and thought provoking. K. David Harrison is the associate director of the Living Tongues Institute for Endangered Languages.
"When we lose a language, we lose centuries of thinking about time, seasons, sea creatures, reindeer, edible flowers, mathematics, landscapes, myths, music, the unknown and the everyday," he said.
In my limited study of French, langue d'amour, I found that knowing another language, even in three word phrases, changed the way I thought and the way I described things. It did get me a date, but my poor command of the language didn't get a second date. I knew I should have taken Italian or aller a un restaurant français. So I suppose the note cards with scribbled french verb conjugations had their value.

Harrison discussed the dying languages on The Colbert Report. He said how in some places there is only one person who still speaks the soon-to-be-extinct language. Which makes me wonder: if a man is the only person who speaks a language and there's no one to talk with, who does he complain to? Do his complaints and conversations fall on deaf ears?
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Listening to: Ray Brown Jimmy Rowles - That's All
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Baby, she wrote me a letter

Thanks, but no thanks.

Received a letter in the mail today with the company I interviewed with early last week.

I'm bitter when it comes to being rejected. Some people take it in style and cast a wide net. I prefer a more targeted approach, highly selective some call it.

Time to go over The letter. It started by thanking me for taking time out of my busy schedule. I appreciate the the insinuation that I have things to do, but frankly looking for a job and Law & Order consume my day. So, if you call that busy...

It goes on to say that while they were impressed with my qualifications they have decided to continue with other applicants. Here's the problem I have with that. To me it suggests that I looked better on paper than in person, which anyone who has met me knows I clean-up nice.

Here's what I have come to in my bitterness:
  • I don't like sentences that begin with "while." They just set you up for a one-two punch to the noggin. It reminds me of this girl in grammar school whose bread and butter was "no offense, but..." It's one of those things that aggravates me.
  • I am not dressing up for future interviews. Time to let the real Andrew out. The sleeveless shirt wearing-didn't-get-a-shower-in-yet, take-it-or-leave-it comedian.
  • From now on I ask "did I get it?" before I leave
  • I want to be refunded for my expended energy and time: gas, shower, tire wear, episodes of Law and Order I missed, wasted thought on the job
  • Why do they write good luck? I don't need their platitudes, I need a job. Last time I checked I can't pay for groceries with pleasantries.
Someday if I have hiring power or my own company this is how I would word a rejection letter:

Dear Job Hunter,

We have picked someone else. This is no reflection on you or your qualifications. As you may already know, we are inept at picking future candidates and the person we picked will likely leave us for a higher paying job within the next year making us regret this hire. But thanks for your time.

Job Hirer

P.S. We don't reimburse for gas or dry cleaning.

But hey, that's love.

The thing is no matter what you say in the reject letter the recipient is going to hate you anyway. You might as well give them some good ammo for their ensuing rants. I'd like to make the reject letter fridge-worthy rather than garbage-worthy.

Back to square one.


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Listening to: Count Basie & Joe Williams - Every Day I Have The Blues
via FoxyTunes